Sunday, March 31, 2013

"The Accident & After"

   As a truckers wife one of my fears was always a call that my husband was in a bad accident. It happened! On Jan. 29th, (Tuesday) around 1pm a call from Moine saying, "Honey, I can't talk but I wanted you to know I'm ok but I was in a really bad accident and started coughing real hard and thats the last I remember. I don't know what happened but I got to go."  My stomach started turning and I started pacing and praying! It wasn't but 10 minutes later Moine's boss called and informed me that, "Yes, Moine just had an accident but hes ok and they will get him home!" I felt some better but I just wanted to talk to Moine again and hear for sure that he was ok. You know that feeling when they say their ok but you can tell something still isn't right. Well it was 4 long hours. I didn't think they'd ever pass. Moine was in Haysville, Kansas and I was 12 hours away. It would be 2 days later till I got to see Moine. I'm telling you,"that took alot of Trust!"  When Moine finally called me back 4 hours later he said, "he still didn't feel right but he was fine. That a friend and fellow trucker (Marlin Schrock) from our community was 3 hours behind him and he would be staying with him at a motel & to eat supper and then go with him to load the load on our friends trailer on Wednesday morning) and he'd come back with him." It was an oversize load so they had to stop for the night that first night coming back (Wed. night). That was hard for me but all I could do was, "TRUST!"  I wanted to drive as fast as I could and go get Moine but I knew that wasn't even practical.
    Moine told me that when he went off the road and went between the 2 poles and the fire-hydrant he hit the one pole which broke his axle which sent him across both lanes of traffic and when he came too he had hit 2 bobcats at a rental place in Haysville, Kansas and knocked their electricity out! Thankfully no one else was involved and the bobcats at the rental place only had scratches. We are so fortunate and blessed!! I'm so thankful my husband is still with us!! I have many blessings to count!!
    That day (Wednesday) while they were driving Moine and Marlin were chatting and got to laughing really hard and the next thing Marlin knew Moine's head started to fall to the side. Marlin pushed his head up and started slapping his chest and saying wake up. Moine says, "What ya mean I am awake!" Marlin said, " I seen it all with my own eyes I know exactly what happened! You passed out!" Moine said,"What did I exactly do?" Marlin explained it to him. Wednesday might they stopped for the night in Missouri. Needless to say I didn't get much sleep these nights and I don't think Moine did either. It was hard to talk to him cause I could tell he was struggling and hurting I just wanted to be right there with him. I couldn't though so all I could do was, "TRUST and PRAY!"
     After talking to our family doctor they wanted to see him asap.I said, "But he's in Kansas!" The nurse said, "I'd really like him to go to ER but be prepared he may get admitted to the hospital." I said, "No, he won't do that he wants to get home first. So we made a doc appt for Thursday and if we could get there earlier then the appointment they wanted us there asap!" Marlin & Moine met me about a mile from our family doctors office. Thankfully me oldest sister (Lisa) was willing to babysit for the children. Of course I was waiting at the spot we agreeded to meet at probably 45 mins. Yes, I was anxious and could hardly wait! I took Moine straight to the doctor they done blood work & an EKG and told him they want him to see a cardiologist the following week.
     On Friday evening Moine passed out on me & the children. Thankfully the children were rather calm.  We had just got done eating supper at the table when Moine passed out (had a seizure) on me. I can't explain all the emotions and thoughts and feelings that ran through me. I thank God for helping me & the children to stay calm.  I called the nurse line and they instantly put me on line with our family doctor. The doctor told me that I needed to get Moine to ER right away and she'd call ahead to the ER for us. Thankfully my mom (who puts in alot of hours and alot of evenings) happened to be home and so we ran the children to my moms place and I sped to the ER. Yeah, I'll admit it, "I was over speed limit!"  We got to ER and here 5 ambulances came in at the same time so we had no choice but to wait. Several hours later we finally got called back. Our family doctor had called and talked to Dr. Ennis in at the ER. after several test the ER doc said that Moine was going to be admitted into the hospital. Was I shocked? No not really.  We had hoped he wouldn't be but we did want to get answers and to the bottom of everything.
    On the way to the ER as I was speeding along (yes, I admit I was driving rather fast) Moine & I both noticed a church sign that read, "If God brings you to it. He will see you through it!" Wow, just what we needed! Thank you Lord!!  On the way home early Saturday morning I noticed the other side of that same sign. It read, "When God closes a door its for our protection. When God opens a door its an invitation!" God knew what I needed that night!
    They finally got Moine moved up to his room about 4am Saturday morning. It was a rather sleepless night!  Once Moine was all settled and I had a list of  a few things he wanted me to bring into him I headed home. Till I got everything to gather and the childrens clothes packed for a couple days it was time to head to my moms to drop off the clothes and cuddle the children a few minutes. They said the doctor comes in early so I wanted to be there when she got there  Sat. morn. While the children didnt want me to leave so till I tore away with mixed emotions I finally got to the hospital about 9am Sat. morn. Everyone forgetting that it was the 6th weekend so it would be a differnt neurologist coming in. So I made it!! The neurologist ordered more labs and a few more test to be done Sat. yet so I spent the day the hospital with Moine.  Sat. night we had several visitors. As it was our churches couple night out while the youth watched the children. We really enjoyed that! Till that evening though I was so tired and Moine wanted me to go home and get some good rest but honestly I didn't know if I'd be able to make it home. I took an hour nap then headed home about 11p.m.. Moine had encouraged me to go to my moms to sleep for the night and snuggle with the children in hopes that they'd handle me leaving them another day a bit better. It was good for me too.
    Sunday morning dawned and after spending time with the children I headed to the hospital. Moine said, "I'm just not feeling right." His whole right side seemed weaker then his left. He was shaving and all of a sudden he had sliva coming out of the right side of his mouth. I instantly afraid it was a stroke just because of a few different things. I could tell something wasn't right. I helped him back to his bed and then called the nurse. They right away called the doc. The doctor said, "Something is definetly wrong but hes not sure what. But that in 2 weeks he would release Moine to start driving."  They done a few more test and more blood work. Things just weren't adding up but the neurologist said that if all the test came back clear we could go home yet Sunday night. After a few very unprofessional happenings on the neurologists part I wasn't to happy and neither was my husband. I told the neurologist I just didn't feel like we had enough answers but he assured me that it was probably just senkope. I'm not sure what changed his minds exactly but we ended up spending the night at the hospital yet another night. At 8p.m. that night we had enjoyed a bunch of company off and on all day. My Uncle & Aunt were visiting with us at the time. We were laughing and having a good time when all of a sudden Moine passed out on me. I pushed the call button but no one came so I went out to the nurses station and told them that my husband had passed out on us but had come back too. They apologized and came and took his vitauls. Yes, something was wrong. Thankfully our visiters handled it all really well!
     Monday morning dawned and we had a different neurologist!! Praise the Lord! It was an answer to prayer!!  The new nurologist seemed to explain things a bit better and definitly was alot more professional! She assured us that it wasn't a stroke. She ordered yet 2 more blood test and another MRI and she said that she hoped to send us home that afternoon yet but to keep our cardiologist appointment for the following day. While no one dismissed us so we decided that we must be staying for the night again. So we got all comfy and about 8p.m. the head nurse came in and said that they were sending us home. So we quickly made a change of plans and got everything packed and ready to go.  We had to pick up a script then we went and picked up the children and went home to bed! Neither of us feeling like we really had answers to what the real problem was.
     Tuesday afternoon I took Moine to the cardiologist only to find out that they didn't have the test results for his echo back. We had to reschedule for that Thursday. Talk about walking away feeling disappointed; this was one of those times. We both were struggling that afternoon. It did us good to be alone and talk and share our hearts.
     Wednesday Moine passed out on me twice! By this time I was pleading and crying with God. Its a good thing I didn't know then how long it would be till we finally got the final diagnoses cause I would of forsure  went insane! I'm so thankful God's timing is perfect! It was so hard to watch Moine pass out and know there was really nothing I could do but to Trust God during these spells. I don't think it mattered how many times he passed out on me each time my stomach would start to swirl and I start to pray! I felt like I needed to be strong for Moine so after he went to bed I had a battle with God. Yes, you read right; "I had a battle with God!" I argued why can't the docs just find out what is going on? I can't handle this no more. Why do my children have to witness this? And so much more with many tears!!  Neither Moine nor I had slept good since the night of the accident. We'd wake up at 2 or 3 am and talk, cry & pray (all depended on what was on the minds) for an hour or so and then finally we'd fall back to sleep.
     Thursday afternoon Moine had an appointment with the cardologist (the appointment that was reacheduled.)  Each time Moine passed out I wrote down everything that happened around the times he passed out and how he reacted and so on and so forth. When we went to the appointment I handed the doctor all the papers. The doctor told us it was definietly not heart related. After he looked over the papers that I handed him he told us to hang tight in the office he wanted to call our neurologist. Several minutes passed and he finally returned. Our cardiologist told us that he spoke personally with our neurologist and  she wanted Moine to have a 24 hour EEG done. Because it was starting to sound more like seizures. So we left the doctors office and went home to hear from the neurologist office as they were scheduling everything for the 24 hour EEG. This was February 7th. And they couldn't get us in for the 24 hour EEG until Feb. 18th. Moine took it all in stride; I on the other hand was running out of patience and was getting very frusterated. Moine continued to have spells off and on but not as often. Thankfully.
     Feb. 18th finally came and Moine went to get ready for his 24 hour EEG and here we found out that they were attaching all the wires to him and he was going back home with me and I'd have him back to the office 24 hours later to have all the wires taken off!
     Feb. 19th I took Moine back to have everything taken off. He never passed out on me that I know of but he did alot of sleeping that day. Later we found out that you can actually have a seizure and not even know it and that he was probably having them in his sleep. We watched them download the data from the 24 hour EEG and then went on our way!  As you can tell I've had to learn to Trust & Pray alot through this experence in our life!
     And thats when the long wait began!!   My next blog will be " Waiting, Change, & Blesings!"  I'm working on it but it might be a bit till I get it posted! Thanks!  Below are photos of the accident and a few others!
   
Here you can tell he went between a
pole and a fire hydrant.
In fact there were 2 poles and
he missed the one but hit the 2nd one.



More damage to the truck...
opps not good...
The axle that got hit hard and shoved
out of wack.
The box was ruined they couldn't even
open the doors at the scene and
one small dent in the fuel tank.

More damage...


Flowers from Moine's
oldest & youngest sisters!
And this is where he landed!
He his 2 bobcats at an equipement
rental place. And they just received
a few scratches and were fine.





Moine reanacting how they
said the accident happened
to the children and I.


All wired up and doing his
24 hour EEG!
Some more Beautiful
flowers from our church
family!
Moine getting all the wires
attached to his head for
his 24 hour EEG.



 















Wednesday, March 20, 2013

If I Could Choose...

                              A good friend who was like a sis to me when I lived in Mississippi wrote this! I thought it went with my last blog that I posted yesterday and so I asked her if I could share. She said sure. Its from the blog; "Whispers from my niche" by Dayna Miller! For those who don't know her, her brother-in-law has Parkinsons. Even so I thought this was really fitting. Blessings to each of you!      

                                      If I could choose...



Lately I'v been thinkin about somethin... With me that is seldom a good thing! Well, I guess that depends on your perspective. Let me tell you what I'v been thinkin this time.

If I could obliterate just one major disease, or just one major sin, thousands and thousands of people would be helped right? So if I were to obliterate just one, what would I choose? One sin... Just one. How about murder? That would certainly save lives! Or maybe any form of child abuse. The world would be a much much better place if no child was ever mistreated in any malicious way. But then what about the damage that is done by lying? How many lives are ripped apart every day by lies and deceit? Looking at diseases the first thing that comes to my mind is cancer. But I wouldn't choose cancer. If I had that power in my hands my selfishness would take over and I would choose to stop the disease that affects me and my family the most. I would root out and destroy the thing that is tearing down piece by piece one of the people I love most in the world. I would stop the THING that is slowly stealing from us one of the greatest men that I know. I would choose that disease because I am selfish and naturally bad and because I love my family passionately and because I want more than anything in the world for each of my neicews to be happy and healthy and well adjusted. If I were good though, if I were not selfish and if I had the capacity to honestly love other children as much as my own sweet littles, I would choose cancer, or kwashiorkor (essentially childhood starvation). I would pick the disease who's end would save the most lives. Truly I would. But I'm not good. I'm human and therefore I do not (ThankFully!!) have that choice. But I have Jesus.

See, here is the thing. If I had the power to take away all rape in the world, or all hunger, or all cancer, or even... yes even all Parkinson's, I would take with it the work that Christ can do through it. To take away any sin would be to take away the incredible gift of healing that can be found through Jesus Christ. To take away any disease would be to take away the beauty of His presence through our darkest days. I would love to save my family the heart break of loss. I would love to give back to my friend the sweet mama she lost to cancer. I would love to erase the horror deep in the eyes and heart of my friend as she pours out her story of childhood abuse. I cant. But I know One who can. I know One who provides amply and in ways that an earthly father never can. I know One who comforts with a presence sweeter even than that of a mother. I know One who can restore purity and wholeness to a heart that has been ravaged by another person's sin.

The reality is that we each make our choices. We choose our pain, our sorrow, our suffering... Or, we choose Christ. None of us can make the bad things that we, or anyone else, faces go away. But we can listen, love, support, care, and share Jesus Christ with each hurting person (and that is absolutely everyone) that we meet.

This is the time and place where maybe I should say that we must choose Christ and endure to the end because heaven will be worth it all. That would be a true statement. But it would cheapen life here and life there SO so SO much! I don't like to watch someone I love loose physical capacity. I don't like to see pieces of him change and crumble. I don't like to know that a week and a half ago I sat in church and tried hard not to giggle at a sweet little girl who was giggling at me... And that a few short days later her life here ended. I don't like the reality that a woman so strong and graceful and full of life lost her battle with cancer and left her children and grandchildren to muddle through the hurt and brokenness and horror of loss. I don't like that evil men can do evil things and bring such shame and heartbreak to innocent lives. I don't like it. Everything within me rebels and cries against it. But if Jesus is there, if He is with the hurting, if His hand is over me, guiding you, feeding the hungry, loving the sick, is that not heaven? Is heaven not His presence here as much as His presence on the other side of death? JESUS is worth choosing. JESUS is worth laying down our rights for. JESUS is worth the hurt and risk it takes to let Him heal us. Yes, a new heaven and a new earth will be wonderful! Every moment immersed in a world where there is no need of the sun because there is the Son... Nothing could possibly be more incredible!! But what makes us think we will experience His presence there if we do not choose to experience it here?

I can not choose a sin to destroy. I can not choose a disease to obliterate. But let me tell you what I can choose. I can choose one heart to give to Jesus. I can choose one life to sink completely into Him. I can choose one day at a time to let my face show forth the crazy amazing love of Him who holds my moments, the good and the bad, in His hands. I can choose Jesus.

Sad but Thankful

   This is my heart today!!
   Sad because some precious people lost their baby to a miscarriage. She was 11 weeks along. But praying for another friend who has lost her precious son. And is expecting again!
   Sad because a dear friend (Della Kohen) from Mississippi just found out she has cancer. Sad for my sister-in-law (Elona who teaches in Richland Center, WI) and her church whos pastor (Dale Kulp) died last night from stage 4 cancer. And sad for my sister-in-law that was already on her way to Oregon to decorate a wedding cake.
But so thankful and happy that my youngest sister-in-law (Estalee) is now 5 years cancer FREE!!!
   Sad that we had to miss Moine's cousins (Andy & Derelle) wedding in Oregon. Sad that we had to miss the Mid-American TRucking Show in Louisville, KY and being with friends. But absolutely thankful to still have a husband!!
   Sad for a dear friend who has been having hip and back issues now for 10 months and is in so much pain and can't enjoy her 5 precious children like she wants and they want. But I'm very thankful for my good health!
  Sad for a dear friend whos children have been sick so much and they can't figure out why. Sad for a family whos 9 year old boy (i think) is dying of cancer. And they've done all they can for him but yet he's so happy and has a really good attitude about it.Please pray for the Brovant Family. But so thankful for 4 healthy viberant children!!
   Sad because a dear friend whose anniversary would of been yesterday didn't have another chance to celebrate another year with her husband. And their children couldn't help them celebrate because their dad has gone to a far better place. But so thankful that I was able to celebrate another anniversary in Feb. when my dear husband could have been taken as well.
   And as I was thinking these things I picked up my book called,"Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. On March 20th it said,
   "THANK ME FOR THE GLORIOUS GIFT OF MY SPIRIT. This is like priming the pump of a well. As you bring Me the sacrifice of thanksgiving, regardless of your feelings, My Spirit is able to work more freely within you. This produces more thankfulness and more freedom, until you are overflowing with gratitude.
   I shower blessings on you daily, but sometimes you don't perceive them. When your mind is stuck on a negative focus, you see neither Me nor My gifts. In faith, thank Me for whatever is preoccupying your mind. This will clear the blockage so that you can find Me." The verses they had to read were; "2 Corinthians 5:5; 2 Corinthians 3:17; and Psalm 50:14." 
    Wow, what a challenge to me today! Just what I needed! I was reminded I need to thank God, regardless how I feel. Have you thanked God today?  Hope you have a great day!!


Friday, March 15, 2013

Games & Movies & a Special Mission

     I've had so many thoughts and things I wanted to blog about but now as I finally have a moment of peace and quite I can't seem to remember a thing.
     With Moine being home we have played alot of family games if daddy isn't to worn out which seems to be more then we like but were getting use to it.  We've also enjoyed watching a few good movies together. One of the childrens favorite is "The Heart of Christmas!" They don't care its a Christmas movie they'd watch it almost daily if we'd let them. It's about a little boy named, Dax who is dying of cancer and he gets medical care at St. Judes Hospital!  If you haven't had a chance to watch it while I'd encourage you too but warning it is a movie where you'll want a tissue box close by if your anything like me anyway.
      It is based on a true story of hope and compassion. Austin and Julie Locke are devastated when they learn that their young son, Dax, has ben diagnosed with cancer. But with courage, determination and faith, they decide to give Dax one last Christmas, even if it has to be in October. When the community sees the holiday decorations and learns the heartbreaking truth, what happens next is a miraculous outpouring of caring and support.
      Another favorite of theirs is "Johnny!" Now I don't know why but these 2 movies have similar ideas and their both loved by our children. In fact one of my boys don't want me to watch these 2 movies with them because I always cry. Daddy put a stop to that real quick.  So yes this is also a tissue needed movie.
     "Johnny" is about a young boy who is a foster child and is dying of leukemia. He is convinced he is here for a special mission; a mission that is revealed when he enters Dr. Carter's world. Dr. Drew Carter tragically lost his 10 year old boy son in a car accident while his wife was driving, he didn't expect to lose his whole family as well. Since the accident Drew's wife, Julia has become emotionally absent from Drew and their daughter, Kayla. Drew sees a chance to heal his family but because Julia remains in a perpetual guilt~ridden state of grief, she is opposed to the idea of adopting this terminally ill boy. With Kayla feeling increasingly more rejected by her own mother and drew growing more distant from his wife, he decides to take matters into his own hands and adopts Johnny for better or worse.
       So remember, "Everyone has a special mission!"  There were many things that we gained from these 2 dvd's  but its now putting what we've gained to practice.
      I know I didn't have alot to say and nothing brillant but if your in  need of a good dvd now you have a few ideas. There both really good, and really sad and makes you do alot of thinking!!
      Hope you have a blessed day!! Be joyful and enjoy the special mission which God has given you!!